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December 5, 2013 · 5:48 pm

Part 1

Going in:

The house was up at 6. Feeding and medicating the dog, showering, etc. We dropped off the puppy at Doggy Daycare and my vehicle for a tune up. My mom texted me, “Call me immediately.” and informed me my eldest sister was in labour. I spent the morning going in an adventure to Canadian Tire for some sale event. J. and I even got a Keurig of our own. Afterwards, we got confirmation that my sister had a baby. My mom spent the time in the morning doing children drop-offs, and I spent the morning sleeping. At 10:00, we left. We stopped at London Drugs for an EOS Lipbalm (The day prior when I got my car broken into, they stole my used one. Weird.) and then went to the hospital.

We went and admitted ourselves at the front triage. This is where I got my bracelet and was instructed to the second floor, day surgery. Once there, we sat and waited approx. 20-30 minutes. They went over paperwork and then had me meet with a nurse. I highly suggest bringing someone along with you as I was so nervous I was forgetting everything. My mom and boyfriend answered alot of questions regarding past surgeries, medications, allergies, etc. Then she gave me pants, a robe, and a night gown to wear with booties and I had to go sit back down in the waiting room. Also. Important. She gave me a time plan of waiting – surgery- post op room – back to this room -home. I was there at 11:15 and my surgery was scheduled at 1:30. I was their last patient to be seen. I was supposed to be home at 5pm.

During this time I had a melt down with my mom and J. who I thought were teasing me so I ran into a bathroom crying. Mature. I was just nervous and felt they weren’t being supportive. They were tho. 

Within an hour, I was brought to this hallway-ish room and lots of other patients were across and beside me. I kept my eye on this blonde woman my age who had the most doped up look ever AND a nose bandage. Not too bad. She was talkative, happy, etc.

 20 Minutes before Surgery, the anesthegiest (sp, I’m high right now) came and went over my life etc. He was interested in the fact I had asthma. He explained I would get an IV for fluids but also had the sleeping aide. He said that due to my asthma he would monitor my lungs and give me pure oxygen. I also would have a breathing tube due to the asthma.  He went over percentages of sore throat (5%), and complications (1% due to the asthma)

My Doctor came and quickly introduced himself. He explained the procedure (septorhinoplasty with a polyscepomy) and what that meant and how the air was circulating. Then off he went. I began to get nervous here and started crying. Ding, ding. Round two.

Eventually she came back and I hugged my mom and J. and I was wheeled away. To which I began crying a third time. iShe washed up and within seconds, I was in the operating room. She took off my robe and stuck those circle stickers to my chest (3x) and lungs. i got the IV in my hand. We then waited for the Doctor which made me have a whole ‘nother meltdown of crying and wanted to not do this. They began asking me questions to get my mind off the surgery. Such as, “What is your dogs name?” (“Dizzy. Shes sick. Might need surgery on her eyes.”) What is your boyfriends name? ” Jaret. He has a lot of surgeries.”) etc.

Finally, the Doctor came in. He then did a quick last check of my name, my blood pressure, my allergies, asthmatic, and the surgery. Everyone nodded and responded in unison and then, the really nice anaesthetic man said, “Alright.. this might burn a bit and feel warm but its sleepy time…”

You could feel the meds go in but it didn’t HURT. And it was like a cloud descending on you. Just kind of gently envelopes your eyeballs to sandman time…

and then, I was on a bench with my Dad in the middle of summer and he said, “Hi Audge. Guess we’re gonna spend some time together okay?”

Wouldn’t have it any other way.


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Puppy Update!

Izzy update:

We are on day 3 of living together. She gets worn out from regular tasks when she used to be the steamboat that could HOWEVER, She is now playing with Elephant and starting the old process of following me from room to room. Oh yes. If I’m peeing, shes sitting right infront of me making sure it all goes to plan. Thanks Puppy!

We are on dose 2/3 for pain, day 2/14 for infection doses, 2 per day. Out of the high protein cans of food we got her, she has eaten over HALF of them. 6/12.Today she isn’t guzzling water so thats good? I think. 

Yesterday we went and spent ANOTHER 100 on her at the petstore. We needed to pick up a kong for her since she destroyed the cats one. I’m going to make up my own frozen kong recipes for the icecube inlay I also got her.

So far? My puppy is coming back full force.

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I was anticipating her. She was never my dog. She was my boyfriends brothers dog. He got her as a puppy and I fell hard for her little brown eyes. We were pretty inseparable – she lived upstairs, we lived downstairs, and we had a shared kitchen. I always found reasons to spend hours in the kitchen to be with her. Eventually, she was my shadow. Sleeping beside me, driving shotgun, playing with Elephant…She is the most energetic, crazy, hilarious, ridiculous dog I have ever met.

His brother realized he couldn’t cope with her – she was alot to handle. I begged and pleaded for her to stay with us. The answer was a solid no. She left. Where to? It doesn’t matter and its too close for comfort. Its a weary topic and an exhausting one at that. Regardless, we were worried. We got word from friends who had seen her that she looked thin and malnourished. I cried forever and then it was decided – she would be ours.

We offered a price. It was accepted.

and then, four days later, she bounded through the door. A quick 900$ out of my bank account, she was ours.

I was so excited. She wasn’t. It didn’t matter, she was confused and had gone through alot. 5 minutes of being home, she was asleep. She did go for a quick walk before bed… I thought it was weird how calm she was. No pulling, jumping, whining with crazy excitement.. just a regular walk we have never had together.

I had so many plans for my baby tomorrow, she would need the rest. The next day, she was shotgun in our duel adventures to errands and doggy daycares. I noticed on our adventures, she didn’t eagerly jump on people on the offchance she could make out with a stranger.  She would wag her tail, sigh, then laydown. By mid-afternoon, she was lethargic. This was not the same crazy puppy. I did my usual call and she didn’t even lift her head. She didn’t do the funny dance. I did searches of “sick dog signs” and she began high-pitched whining. I checked her tongue – it was pale blue. The website said this was bad. She began sniffing her prior spay stitches. Jaret had asked me to clean those so I set to work. Underneath the caked up mud and pus, was a gaping inch hole dripping blood. I called my mom who said she had that and just applied polysporn. I bandaged her up and she just stared at me, lifeless and spaced out. I knew in my heart this wasn’t bad but I ignored it. Went to pick up my friend from work and brought my puppy along. She laid in the backseat and whined. She looked really really sick. That was when it hit me. Fuck what everyone would say about me over-reacting or acting on impulse. I got this dog back to make sure she was safe and loved. I was feeding into my own insecurities. I immediately called a vet and off we went.

An hour later, we walked out to a worried boyfriend running out of his truck.He glanced at us and helped her in my car. He got the quiet mumble of, “scratched corneas, yeast in her ears, severely malnourished, severely dehydrated, fever, scratches and frostbite on her muzzle, heart murmur, and a severely infected stomach wound.”

I explained the care plan and handed him her packages of medications. While driving home, I called my mom and had a talk. . After I got off the phone, puppy had a meltdown due to the cone on her head and freaked out. I was on the highway going 100kph so I raised my voice at her in frustration and fear. As soon as I did that, the vets voice came through my mind, “this little girl is in rough shape, I’m surprised she is alive”.The guilt of me yelling overwhelmed me and soon, I was home and angry at how she felt so I took it out on my boyfriend through screaming and crying. He sat there and kind of just let me lay into him. I went into the bathroom and had a glass of water before realizing how wrong I was acting. I went back and apologized. I had never ever done that before. Like a champ, he gave my baby her medicine and ordered me pizza while handing me a beer.

We were asleep by 8pm. Me and my puppy on the bed, him and the cat on the couch.

We needed the good sleep – we have a long 2 weeks ahead of us with medications 3 times per day, special feeding and water instructions, appointments for check-ins, and tons of rest and TLC.

…Welcome my puppy to my family. xo.

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you have mental health issues. seriously. get that shit fixed.

Dear stalker,

I threw you a bone you audrey-obsessed little whacko. Check my facebook for a top 10 things about me. I made it public just for you.

I have a pretty good idea of who you are.

Get a life. I fully get why you are in love with mine – you will never come close but please, do try to get a hobby to take up the time of checking my blog (that I write in maybe 3 times a month) about 4 times per day. Your ip address gives you away…

You are CRAZY. Go talk to someone about a mood disorder. Stalking someone is seriously CREEPY. Making fake instagram accounts to add me is CRAZY.

Oh. I forgot to mention.. go fuck yourself 🙂



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The perfect store:

Edmonton University,  there was a big field that separated me from my love: The mall. I shopped DAILY at this beautiful store named Dynamite. Instead of studying, I was dancing to the mall..

My well worn cashmere sweater has the faded tag of Dynamite, as do my leggings, well worn shirts, and scarves..

Until I moved back home. No more Dynamite. One beautiful breath-taking glance at the website before my heart crumbled again… no shipping to Saskatchewan. GUESS and Costa Blanca took up my free time but it never quite compared.. until I went to OUR local mall and in a HUGE sign was, DYNAMITE. COMING SOON.

Soon? It is NOT soon enough.


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goodbye sweet avenue 3.





I moved out of a sweet little bachelor that failed to let me know how easy the windows opened to intruders and how thin the walls were at 4am sessions of what one can assume were horrific bdsm trials and tribulations.

2013 Summer afternoon, Jaret and I were meandering the hallways on a drunk plight hand in hand. We met this man, my new neighbor, who had moved from the United States. We exchanged vodka scented pleasantries and off we went to our own separate adventures awaiting us. The next day, I was flustered with a billion grocery bags when I saw this man again. I offered a nice hello and the offer of company should he ever get lonely. The look he gave me was of pure shock. I realized that I wanted a friend to sip coffee with and check my mail if I wasn’t home. He was Christian Grey from Saskatoon.

The bed was packed in my boyfriends truck Halloween. October 31st. After the landlady pleaded for me to promise to return the key in exchange for a full damage deposit… Key was returned. Bed was safely tucked away in truck. I was once again meandering the hallways. Did I dare take the fire escape I became aware of when the EVICTION THREAT was posted to anyone who dare us it?Reluctance and guilt crept in. Like a good girl, I took the stairs and went on a whole different adventure, minus bdsm and failed friendship attempts.


November 1, 2013 · 4:41 pm